You Were Wrong by Matthew Sharpe

ISBN:   9781608191871

Grade: C

Rock on GoodReads and Bloomsbury for my copy of You Were Wrong. 

This book took me forever to finish mainly because it confused the shit out of me.  I found myself re-reading page after page wondering WTF is going on.  This book has even infiltrated my dreams, making me feel very violated.  Seriously, reading this at night has lead to some rather warped dreams. 

Upon finishing this book, I've realized that Matthew Sharpe can definitely write and has a bizarre sense of humor.  He writes intelligently and the characters were wonderfully peculiar.  My interest has been piqued enough to read more from Sharpe, Stories from the Tube more specifically.  All this being said, this was not an easy book to read.  At no time in the book could I guess what was going to happen next which was good in the sense that I didn't have the book figured out by page 50.  The ending felt a bit hurried to me and I'm not quite sure how I feel about the way the book ended.  I can only guess that Sharpe's intentions with this book were to make it a head scratcher and one that leaves the reader a bit unsettled.

Would I recommend this book?  Yes...to a select audience.  If most of your reading material comes from bestseller lists, then this is probably not your type of book.  If you like Haruki Murakami, you'll probably like Matthew Sharpe.       

Bad Kitty vs Uncle Murray by Nick Bruel

ISBN:  1596435968

ISBN-13:   9781596435964

Grade:  B+

Thanks Macmillan Children's Publishing for sending me an ARC of this book!   Normally I don't read books aimed at this young of an age group, but since I scored a free copy and it had a cat wearing boxing gloves on the cover I changed my mind.  

Nick Bruel must know my cat Vito as the first chapter could have been written by my Vito...if he had thumbs and could type.  The reason being the first chapter was a feline food fantasy, catnip grass, chicken livers, fish, and much more.  The illustrations are cute and had Vito been awake when he was on my lap while I read this, he probably would have drooled.  

Bad Kitty vs Uncle Murray would be a great book to read aloud to kids.  It's a story of a cat and dog who are being taken care of by a relative, Uncle Murray, while the owners have a baby.  What results are shenanigans (or catnanigans as I call them) that include cat ninjas armed with spatulas.   This is a peek into the feline psyche with the expected disses of the canine species.  It's also educational to a point with some feline facts about behavior.  My favorite part was the story that Uncle Murray told about a stray dog he found as a kid that his mom wouldn't let him keep due to his sister's allergies.  Had me in tears and Mark looking at me funny for crying during a kids book.  

What I didn't realize is that the Bad Kitty books were a series, but now I will be on the lookout at the library for the others as I can never have enough stories about crazy cat antics.  

Side note to Kayden, I hope you love the book and being read to by Gramma.

 

The Birth House by Ami McKay

Full review to come upon finishing this latest book.  Suffice it to say that so far it's fascinating and making me wish I had more time to read.  It should also be said that a few ARCs have come my way and need to be read and reviewed. 

Anyone wanna read to me at bedtime? 

A pox on WordPress...again

After salvaging what I could from WP, I realized how much of my former blog is quite possibly lost forever.  Very sad since I'm sure there were some comedic gems in there and I know there were many more books that I'm forgetting.  Looks like I'll have to raid my GoodReads account for more books. 

The Stephen Hawking post is missing, as is another Neil Gaiman.  I know there are others too, but those have escaped me for the time being.  Instead I have a Disturbed song stuck in my head, quite appropriate that it's called Asylum.  Now I just pictured David Draiman and have to purr.

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

ISBN: 0374371520
ISBN-13: 9780374371524

Grade: A+

So I devoured this book in two days.  Had I not had this little thing called a job get in the way, it would have been finished on one day probably in one sitting.

Speak is a book about a 9th grade girl who calls the cops on a party after she gets raped by a popular senior at school.  The book follows Melinda Sordino during her freshman year and is filled with the teen angst you expect.  Melinda is shunned by her former friends and no one in the school except for the new girl Heather will talk to her.  This has been on my to read list for a long time and I was curious what all the hype was about.  It was a Printz Honor book afterall along with numerous other awards.

This isn't a predictable book unless you've seen the movie, more on that later.  It's an unsettling book mainly because Laurie Halse Anderson writes so well of teen angst and makes Melinda a very believable character, not to mention the subject matter.  I felt what Melinda felt and I have not been the victim of rape.  I totally felt and understood Melinda's depression and feeling lost in the world.

Now onto the made for tv movie.  I had seen bits and pieces of it prior to reading the book, but even if I hadn't seen parts of the movie I still would have thought that Kristen Stewart was the perfect actress to play Melinda.  She's got enough sourpuss and angst in her.  It should be interesting to see the movie in its entirety after reading the book.

This is another must read book.  I don't care how far removed from high school you are or what gender you are...read Speak.  It's a fabulous and graceful story about the journey of a rape victim.

M is for Magic by Neil Gaiman

ISBN: 0061186422
ISBN-13: 9780061186424

Grade: C

Neil Gaiman and I have an up and down relationship.  M is for Magic is on the down side. I'm sure my disappointment with this book is because Coraline and The Graveyard Book were fantastic and I had ridiculously high standards.  5 of the 11 stories were good...10 stories and one poem that is.

'The Case of the Four and Twenty Blackbirds' is a fantastically dark look at classic nursery rhyme characters Humpty Dumpty, Little Jack Horner and Cock Robin.  Dark as only Gaiman could do.

'Don't Ask Jack' is a little story about a jack in the box and the kids who play with him. This story gave me nightmares of demented jack in the boxes coming to life and screwing with me.

'October in the Chair' is of particular creativity.  At first glance at the title I was hoping for an electric chair, but settled for a story about the different calandar months sitting around a campfire telling stories.

'The Price' is my favorite story from the book.  It's about a stray black cat that adopts a family and will do anything to protect them from a force of pure evil.  Maybe it's because I love cats so much or maybe it's because this was a sweet little story.

'The Witch's Headstone' is chapter 4 of The Graveyard Book.  I knew that there was a short story that inspired TGB I just didn't know it was going to be word for word.  Oh well, still one of my favorite parts of TGB.

The rest of the stories and poem I hardly remember.  Some were so bad I skimmed most of the story.  Gaiman fanatics will probably tell me I'm nuts for not loving this book. Others will say that it just wasn't one of Gaiman's best efforts.  These are stories dark, twisted and touching that only Gaiman could come up with.  Do I regret reading it...no.  Is is one to add to the permanent library...no.  It would have been a D- if anyone besides Gaiman wrote it.

It's ok, I still ♥ Neil Gaiman and have another one of his books checked out.

Holes by Louis Sachar

ISBN: 0374332657
ISBN-13: 9780374332655

Grade: A

For some odd reason I never read Holes by Louis Sachar as a kid.  I have no idea why since I read every other book he wrote.  It must be that the universe wanted me to wait until I was an adult to read this.  I use the term adult loosely as many of you already know.

Holes is an easily readable YA book about a kid Staney Yelnats who gets sent to a boys detention center for allegedly stealing a pair of shoes.  He is given the option of going to jail or going to Camp Green Lake, and when given the choice figures camp sounds better than juvie.  This juvie detention center is run by some sadistic people who force the boys to dig a 5 foot by 5 foot hole every day because it builds character.  We also meet a cast of characters with nicknames such as Armpit, Zero, X-Ray, Squid, Zig Zag, Magnet, Twitch and Barf Bag.  Added to the story is a one-legged gypsy curse, an onion salesman and his mule, and an outlaw named Kissin Kate Barlow.  What follows is a YA story that only Louis Sachar could do justice.  There's just enough humor and a lot of excitement.  This was definitely a page turner, with chapters being only a few pages long.

What I've learned since finishing this book is that there was a movie based on it.  I had no idea (insert 'you live under a rock' comment), but now I must find a copy of it at the library.  Maybe this was the universe telling me to save the best Sachar book for last.  I do think I should re-read the Wayside books as an adult to see if they are as fun as I remember them being.  Those will get added to the stack of to read books, which is growing at an ungodly rate since I have zero self control.

And for those who may wonder why so many YA books.  One of my childhood friends is a YA librarian and has me hooked on YA books.  Don't dismiss them as just for kids as a lot of those books are written so much better than adult books.  My darling librarian is just about the only person whose book recommendations I can truly trust.  I won't dare point fingers at the person who recommended Eat, Pray, Love, said person is also responsible for recommending My Sister's Keeper.  Since getting turned back onto YA books, my goal is to conquer the entire YA section of both branches of my library as well as my hometown library.

But seriously, you guys should read Holes if you haven't already and give Louis Sachar books another read.

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

ISBN: 0316143464
ISBN-13: 9780316143462

Grade: B+

After finishing The Graveyard Book, I am well aware that the bar has been set quite high for books that I consider fabulous.  David Sedaris' other books Me Talk Pretty One Day and Holidays On Icewere hysterical.  This one...not so much so far.  While the essays are funny, they are not gut busting funny like I expected.  Now I'm only halfway through the book, but have been told by my chef that it does get better and that The Rooster gets married.  That essay alone should be worth the not so awesome previous essays.

I guess not every book can be a Gaiman.

***Update***
Since finishing this latest Sedaris collection, I should probably rescind my prior trepidation. The second half of the book was good, not 5 stars good but a solid 4 star effort.  I should probably add a star for the classic quote 'this shit is like making love in a canoe...it's fucking near water' but I won't since it looks like I'm a little generous with my ratings.

Some of my favorite essays:

'Let it Snow' about the Sedaris kids getting locked out of the house by mom on a snow day.  Sedaris writes so well you can actually picture the entire essay happening.  Had me chuckling and feeling quite thankful that my mom never went that far.

'Slumus Lordicus' about Sedaris' parents becomming landlords and the skeeve characters that come to be their tennants.  This one had me laughing quite loudly.

'The Girl Next Door' about the white trash family that Sedaris moves next door to during his slumming phase.  A seriously messed up essay that made me thankful beyond words that I am past the renting apartments stage, and don't have neighbors on the other side of a wall.  Although the lunatic meth head next door to me can disappear from the face of the Earth anytime now.  Dear Santa, please make the Gribble next door spontaneously combust.  Love, Shelley.

'Repeat After Me' about his visit to his sister Lisa's home.  An essay both humorous and rather touching.

'Rooster at the Hitchin Post' is quite possibly the book's standout essay.  I had tears of laughter streaming down my cheeks while reading.  This is also the essay from which the fucking near water quote originates.  This was pee your pants funny.

'Put a Lid on it' about visiting another sister Tiffany.  Needless to say I want a rickshaw that I can tow behind a bike...so very badly.  If it's wrong to want a rickshaw then I don't want to be right.

'Baby Einstein' about the Rooster and Mrs Rooster becomming parents.  Another one that had me snorting with laughter with tears running down my cheeks.

While not the best way to review a book, it works for me.  Everyone has different favorites and different senses of humor.  Definitely worth the read.

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

ISBN: 0060530928
ISBN-13: 9780060530921

Grade: A+


Oh Neil Gaiman how I ♥ you!  The Graveyard Book is simply fantastic.  Coraline was creepy, but The Graveyard Book was a touching story about a boy whose family is murdered and he escaped to the graveyard.  The residents of the graveyard agree to raise him and teach him, and name him Nobody Owens, Bod for short.  There are some truly awesome characters, my favorite being the graveyard's witch.  TGB talks about the different sections of the graveyard, and I loved reading about the unconsecrated section where the witch is buried.  Bod's gift to Liza the witch was so sweet.  Who knew that former President Truman is a ghoul as is Victor Hugo!  I don't want to say too much so as not to spoil TGB for those who haven't yet read it.  I will say that if you can read the last chapter and not be moved by Bod, Silas and Mrs. Owens, then you have no soul.

This is yet another book that will be added to the permanent library collection as well as get packed to take to a deserted island.  The Graveyard Book is a must read, and has cemented me as a Neil Gaiman fan.

Probably worth mentioning that Neil Gaiman is also a fruit off of the strange-fruit tree.  He's got good company in Francesca Lia Block and Tori Amos, who happens to be the inspiration for a talking tree in his book Stardust.

Get Lucky by Katherine Center

ISBN: 0345507916
ISBN-13: 9780345507914


Grade: B+

As many of you know I am a sucker for fab chick-lit books.  I really hate that chick-lit term...it's so icky and makes the books seem below others referred to as literature.  These so-called chick-lit books can be just as good if not better than some in the literature genre.

Get Lucky is a sweet story written by Katherine Center about how going home is never quite that easy.  We meet Sarah Harper who has just been fired from her advertising job for forwarding a boob email to the entire company.  Sarah immediately grabbed my attention since I've been fired for much stupider reasons (being framed by a boss for his screw ups that would have resulted in him losing his license and business, but that's another diatribe).  She goes home to Texas for Thanksgiving and finds herself as a surrogate for her sister.  Infertility...hitting way too close to home again, which takes unbelievable grace and tact to properly write about in a book.  I didn't want to finish it for the same reasons I didn't want to finish the Godmother by Carrie Adams.  So far Get Lucky is on par with the Godmother and will probably get shelved next to it.  The only reason I took a break from this book was because my dear husband came back from the library with 7 books and since I own a copy of Get Lucky it got put on very temporary hiatus.

Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging by Louise Rennison

ISBN: 0060288140
ISBN-13: 9780060288143

Grade: A-

Obviously the title tells you that this is a British book (not sure if the proper term is British or English). What it doesn't tell you is how freaking hilarious this little gem by Louise Rennison is.  Shush you grammar nazis, I know that you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition.  This is my blog, and I don't care.

So this book is the first in a series of 10 young adult books about a 14 year old girl named Georgia Nicolson.  It's also written as a diary.  She's your average 14 year old in that she's a bit boy crazy and quite preoccupied with her looks.  She also has an abnormally large cat named Angus who is part Scottish wildcat.  The crazy antics that Georgia and her friends get into will have you flashing back to being a teen again, whether you can relate to Georgia or any of the boys mentioned (Sven is my fave).  Her parents are a tad odd, and she has a 3 year old sister that calls everyone tosser!  How can you not love that?!  Obviously I did since I finished the book in a few hours.

Some of the antics include:
~shaving off eyebrows (accidentally)
~being tutored in kissing
~being molested by a male cousin hopped up on teenage boy hormones (doesn't sound funny when said out loud, but trust me on this one)
~stalking Sex God's girlfriend named Wet Lindsay
~Angus being obsessed with the neighbor's poodles and guinea pig

The title alone caught my eye quite some time ago, and since I am a library junkie finally picked up a copy...a quite beat up copy at that which is usually a sign of awesomeness.  I absolutely cannot wait to read the other 9 books in the series to see what other mischief Georgia gets into.  If you like Bridget Jones' Diary, you will probably like the Georgia Nicolson series.  They are not just fluff YA reads...you might actually learn something from them.  There is also a glossary of British slang in the back that will have you calling everyone a tosser.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

ISBN: 0349113912
ISBN-13: 9780349113913

Grade: A

David Sedaris is still a comic genius.  Although I do have to say that his total nutters family members deserve some credit.  All these memoirs that I've read have inspired me to write a book about my own family of lunatics...under a pen name so as not to have my branch pruned from the family tree.

It's been a week or so since I finished Me Talk Pretty and some of the standout stories have stuck with me.  If you read You Can't Kill the Rooster and are not snorting with laughter, there is something wrong with you.  Same goes for Youth in Asia, if Mrs. Sedaris putting a newborn puppy in the oven to warm it up doesn't have you almost peeing your pants, go see a doctor because you need a sense of humor transplant ASAP.  Mr. Sedaris and Amy do not disappoint either.  You are all more than welcome to *borrow* my copy as long as you are willing to sign a waiver stating you will replace my copy should you get fluids on it from any outburst of hysterical laughter.

Oh apparently I forgot to mention that I live under a rock since I am just now reading any David Sedaris book I can get my hands on.  Now if you ask me what movies are currently in theaters, I don't think I could name one.  That's what happens when you watch stuff on the DVR and skip through the commercials...and when you live at the library.

Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris

ISBN: 0316191299
ISBN-13: 9780316191296

Grade: A

So stating the obvious here...David Sedaris is a genius. Holidays on Ice is a perfect example of what is wrong with the Christmas season. While this book is only 6 essays, you'll be snorting out loud during all of them.

SantaLand Diaries is an essay about Sedaris' time spent working as a Macy's Christmas elf. What I learned from this essay is that there is never enough hand sanitizer, and that those adults who dress up in department store costumes have some seriously twisted minds. Whenever I have kids, they will not be going anywhere near any store Santa.  God only knows what is crawling on those costumes and those are bacteria and viruses that I prefer not to bring into my home.  Maybe I could bribe a friend to dress up instead.

Seasons Greetings takes on the horrid Christmas newsletter.  Words cannot express how much I hate Christmas newsletters.  I don't care how awesome everything in your life is. Nor do I want to see pictures of your funny looking kids and spouses.  And it's no longer a newsletter when it's more than a page and requires extra postage!  I'll refrain from naming names, but those in-laws of mine know who they are and read this blog.  And yes I called your kids funny looking.  Whoever told you they were cute is a bold faced liar.  Oh yeah and for us regular folks, life isn't always that great.  In fact I cannot remember the last holiday season that I didn't want to hibernate until spring.

Dinah the Christmas Whore - suffice it to say that a few of the women my chef husband works with fit Dinah to a T.  God help me if they ever come to my home during the holidays.

Front Row Center is about the massacres that are holiday pageants/plays.  These are pageants that school's drama departments butcher year after year.  There's a reason why the Christmas story has been around as long as it has, and that reason is why you shouldn't change it.  And for the love of God, no one wants to sit in a stuffy gymnasium with a bunch of people who smell like onions while cheering on their ridiculously dressed kid.

Based Upon a True Story is another one that reminds me of above mentioned offending in-laws.  This essay pokes fun at the religious zealots that seem to come out of the woodwork during the holidays.  When I see said zealots all over tv begging for money (while they fly in private jets and drive Bentleys) I tend to view them as utter frauds.  If they want my trust, get the hell off tv and maybe then we'll talk.

Finally, Christmas Means Giving is about the incessant need for rich bitches to one-up each other in every aspect of life.  Trust me, I grew up in a yuppie neighborhood.  I know what these people are capable of and it's not pretty.

I plan to add Holidays on Ice to my permanent library and re-read it every Christmas.  And I won't be surprised if those nameless offenders take me and the husband off of their Christmas card and novel list.  Won't hurt my feelings.

Coraline by Neil Gaiman

ISBN: 0380807343
ISBN-13: 9780380807345

Grade: A+

Shame on me for waiting this long to get a library card.  I still have too many books in my bookcase that have yet to be read (shame on me again).  We've only lived in the house for 4 years, so it's not like it's that big of a deal.  OK, so it is a big deal considering how much of our ridiculously high property taxes go towards the libraries.

First among the books checked out from the library was Coraline by Neil Gaiman.  Since finishing the book my biggest question is how screwed up was Gaiman's childhood?!  To write a book as demented as Coraline and aim it at kids just screams dysfunctional childhood.

Coraline is a twisted little book about a girl who discovers another world that contains other versions of almost everyone in Coraline's normal world.  Her parents are kidnapped by her other mother and Coraline has to rescue them along with 3 others.  Any more details and I'll spoil the story for you.  Triple shame on me for taking this long to read anything by Gaiman, and if Coraline is any indication, Gaiman will soon be one of my favorite authors.

The Blind Contessa's New Machine by Carey Wallace

ISBN: 067002189X
ISBN-13: 9780670021895

Grade: A+

If ever there was a book that could be a painting, this is it.  The prose is just gorgeous and takes the reader on a trip to Italy.  The storyline is quite touching...a man inventing the typewriter for his blind lover.  Come on, who wouldn't want someone to do something like that for them? 

The Blind Contessa's New Machine is one of the first books I'd pack in a box to take with me to a deserted island.  It's also one that will be given as Christmas gifts to those members of my family who do read.  And since this back injury from hell is preventing me from going to Italy anytime in the near future, I have to settle for a trip vicariously through a book.

What shocked me the most is that this is a debut novel.  If this is a first book, I have high hopes for any other works that Carey Wallace wants to write.  Also, this is loosely based on a real life Italian man named Pellegrino Turri who invented the first typewriter for his blind muse.  Turri in the book reminded me of Roberto Benigni's character in the Life Is Beautiful movie, full of witty charm and sweetness.  There's also a little bit of mystery in the plot.  Now go read it!  I promise you will like it, if not there must be something wrong with you.

The Dreamsicle Kitties

This is totally off topic and has nothing to do with books, but none the less important.  

Holy smokes I cannot believe that I haven't posted about this earlier!  My Dreamsicle kitties have turned one (back in May)!  So a huge happy birthday goes out to the cutest little feline boys of mine, Pickles and Vito.  They don't look anything like the same itty bitty kitties that I rescued when they were just a pound and a pound and a half.  Vito had blue eyes...well goopy blue eyes, they have now become clear green eyes.  Vito was also thought to be a girl from the quack vet who has since been banned from seeing any of our critters.  Pickles looked like Yoda with his big huge head and itty bitty body.  He has been a bold one since the beginning, scaling the stairs and pulling himself up with his claws.  What I don't miss is looking like a total nutjob like I did last summer when they were tiny and liked to climb my legs.  Who knew Pickles was going to turn into such a meatball (he's at least 12lbs), and a weirdo cat with a water fetish.  Also had no clue that Vito would turn into the feline garbage disposal that eats anything besides yogurt, tortilla soup and cauliflower pasta.  

What I do know is that both boys were destined to be a part of our house.  Those who know me know that I am passionate about animal rescue and will never buy a pet from a pet store when there are so many homeless animals needing forever homes.  Pickles was destined to be a part of our family.  Had he gone to any other home, he would not have met Homer and fallen in love with his 100 pound lab/pit mix.  Seriously I think Pickles views Homer as his giant mama cat.  Vito was destined to be mine because how many other mamas out there would let him eat off a fork?  He's so civilized, eating off silverware.  He's my little white fuzzy purr factory.  He sits next to me during meal times waiting for a free sample to come his way.  Oh and he gives kisses too.   

So call me a bad mom for not posting their pictures and depriving the world of cuteness.  I promise to post some soon, after I salvage what I can from WordPress.  

Never Let You Go by Erin Healy

ISBN: 1595547509
ISBN-13: 9781595547507

Grade: C-

Never Let You Go is a book about a down on her luck single mom Lexi Solomon.  She works two jobs just to keep a roof over her and her nine year old daughter's head, albeit a dumpy roof.  Like the saying goes, when it rains it pours which is what is happening to Lexi.  Years ago her sister was murdered and shortly after that her dad suffers a mental breakdown and is placed in a mental facility.  Her sister's killer is up for parole, and her addict husband who left years ago reemerges and wants to be a part of their lives.  Lexi's support system throughout all of this is her roommate Gina and a new friend named Angelo who always seems to be in the right place at the right time when Lexi needs him most.  What follows is a roller coaster ride full of suspense and a mishmash of characters, both seedy and not.

My rating it C- in no way means that this is not a good book, just not my cup of tea.  The book was a bit confusing in the beginning with the introduction of quite a few characters in a shirt span of pages.  After figuring out who was who, the book took off rather quickly and held my attention for the first 260 pages.  The last 60 or 70 pages packed in tons of action and brought closure (somewhat) to characters that hadn't been mentioned in awhile. Towards the end the book started to confuse me, but that is no fault of the author's.  Seeing as that I haven't been to church in 10 years, and even when forced to go, didn't pay much attention, the Bible references were lost on me.  I would have given the book a B- if the Christian themes were toned down just a bit, but that's just my opinion.

I would recommend this book to those who love a good fast paced suspense novel, and to those who want a book with a good message in it.  This could be your type of book if you like books with great characterization, including a very unlikeable mother (Lexi's mom) and bad guys that epitomize what skeeves are.

This book was provided to me free of charge from BookSneeze.com in exchange for my review. My review contains my honest opinions.

You can find the book here:
http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/product_detail.asp?sku=1595547509&title=Never_Let_You_Go&author=Erin_Healy

Sample chapters can also be found here:
http://booksneeze.com/blogger/download/9781595547507

Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer

ISBN: 0316160202
ISBN-13: 9780316160209

Grade: B-

My name is Shelley and I am addicted to this Twilight saga nonsense.

The first step is admitting that there is a problem right?

So number 3 in the Twilight saga doesn't differ much from number 2.  Both are a little slow at times which has forced me to put the book down more often than I would like as the sooner I finish these 4 books the sooner I can go back to reading less embarrassing books.  Starting a second book probably didn't help motivate me to finish Eclipse.  My main motivation is that I'm borrowing the book and don't want to be one of those people that takes forever to return it.

The entire chapter about werewolf legends could have and probably should have been cut out entirely.  Same goes for the vampire army part.  The werewolf legends chapter was so stereotypical of Native American legends.  The vampire army and Confederate soldier turned vampire reminded me of why I disliked History in school.

What I did love was the evolution of Rosalie from human to vampire.  To see her transform from human victim into a vampire seeking revenge was cool.  I honestly didn't remember much of her in the first 2 books other than her not liking Bella, so this was a redemption song of sorts.

Eclipse starts getting good during the graduation party for Bella.  And it's not just me who thinks that.  The Twilight-pile (or whatever the fanatics are called) reiterated that sentiment.

I'm still not ready to put the dustjacket on to let the public see me reading these silly books. Knowing my luck Google Earth would be taking pictures of my property and see me sitting outside reading these books.

Wasteland by Francesca Lia Block

ISBN: 0064408396
ISBN-13: 9780064408394

Grade: A

No, this is not the Wasteland you are thinking of.  It has nothing to do with T.S. Eliot.

Francesca Lia Block how I love thee!

Her books are gorgeous YA books that are written so much better than lots of adult books (pointing finger at Jodi Picoult and Nicholas Sparks) that people (lemmings) seem to love and gush over.  Wasteland was my second FLB book and I am officially hooked on her books.  A pox on you WordPress for garbling my Weetzie Bat post so badly I couldn't save any of it.  

Not many authors can deal with a taboo subject such as incest with the grace that FLB does. Mix in a suicide and a family's secret (Lex was adopted) and you have a truly special author to write about both subject almost poetically.  FLB was recommended to me by one of my lovely librarian friends, who are the only people from which I will trust book recommendations. 

The prose here is so pretty, and the book is really short.  Easily finished in one sitting.  What is unconventional about this book is that the narrator is never quite mentioned.  Only after finishing the book do you understand the story.  FLB is definitely a fruit off of the strange-fruit tree, but she's got some great company.  

Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster

ISBN: 0451217608
ISBN-13: 9780451217608

Grade: A

Anyone easily offended should not read this book.  The full title is quite lengthy and gives you a big hint about the feel of the book.  

Jen Lancaster is my hero!  There were so many parts of this book that had me snorting with laughter.  The similarities between us were uncanny at times.  I too am missing the verbal firewall (just ask anyone who has ridden in the car with me, or my husband) and have to say that I do relish this lack.  I have seriously restrained myself here on this blog to stop being a potty mouth, which can be quite the challenge.  There have been so many times when people have looked at me in horror after a not-so-pc comment was made.  Yes I said that and no I don't care if it hurt your feelings or offended you.  I consider myself an equal opportunity offender.  Polished I am not.  Maybe in time or a trip to charm school might change that.

Jen's nicknames for her coworkers...hilarious (Retardy Arty, the Chadifornicator).  Normally I would never laugh at any joke containing a mentally retarded mention, as I think it's gross, but this was an exception.  Her favorite subject is herself...love it. The fact that she's a fat girl with a loud mouth and a pit bull owner, another plus.  The line 'Angry: it's what's for dinner' had me almost peeing my pants with laughter.  Bitter is the New Black is no literary marvel, it's just a hysterical view into the life of someone who is a bit self centered and who only slightly learns her lesson. It would be a total shame if Jen Lancaster found the verbal firewall.

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

ISBN: 0316160199
ISBN-13: 9780316160193

Grade: C-

Again I took the dust jacket off so as to not broadcast that I'm reading another Twilight book. I do however read it every chance I get (extra long bathroom breaks, during meals, during tv shows).  Twilight series = steaming pile of crap, me = fly on said steaming pile. 

Good grief what a challenge this book was.  Not so much that the writing style is difficult to understand (in fact the opposite is true), but that the story was boring.  Utterly boring and long, way too long.  Bella was an awful character in the beginning part without her darling Edward, and the LOLcats hit the nail on the head with their parody.  Then insert Jacob, Bella's new BFF (shocking isn't it).  Jacob and Bella become inseparable probably because Jacob wants to get in her pants...badly, and Bella needs a temporary Edward stand in.  Then she finds out he's a werewolf.  Ummmm, hello cupcakes remember the scary stories he told you in the first book when you were at La Push beach?  You know the ones about the wolves and cold ones?  Yeah he's a werewolf you ding-a-ling.  If you didn't remember that from when he told you, his skin is roasting hot to the touch.  Yeppers, opposite of darling Edward's cold marble skin.

Bella Swan, you are one daft cow.

The book doesn't really get good until the end when Edward and the Cullen's come back.  I use the term good loosely, as these books are not good by any means.  However, they are quite addicting.  Back to the Chicken McNuggets from McDonalds theory.  Whatever chemical is in those nuggets, it makes you crave them.  Apparently the same chemical is in the Twilight books, either in the paper or the ink.  Yes I am going to read Eclipse next and cross my fingers that it's better than its predecessor.  But I'm still not putting the dust jacket on while I'm reading.   

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

ISBN: 0316160172
ISBN-13: 9780316160179

Grade: A (for entertainment value alone, not for quality of writing)

For what it's worth, it doesn't suck.  Twilight is the literary equivalent to reading the National Enquirer.  This book has something in common with Chicken McNuggets from McDonalds...you can't stop eating (reading).  It's so addictive.  Shame on me for even reading it, but I can't stop.  The only reason I read it was because I saw a LOLcats parody of the movies that were hysterical and decided then that I had to read the series.  I will take a Twilight book over a Jodi Picoult book any day (I'm still pissed about wasting so much time on My Sister's Keeper).  Twilight had me glued to the couch to finish it, even though I kept wanting to call Bella Bunny Swan from Mad tv and call Edward Cedric from Harry Potter.  My only complaint about Twilight is that the author kept describing Cedric's...err Edward's chest as being muscular.  Probably because I keep thinking of Edward as Cedric and not so buff is the reason that the muscle-y chest comments irked me.  Other than that, the book was embarrassingly addicting, so much so that I took the dust jacket off so people really had to squint to see what I was reading.  Not that I will freely admit to liking the book (the mental dilemma of even posting it here was excruciatingly difficult).

And yes, I did start reading New Moon (again sans dust jacket). I'm reading these books to appease my inner 12 year old who thinks the Twilight books are the best books ever (and wants a Team Edward tshirt).  Another reason is that I can unplug my brain while reading.   

Pleasure Model by Christopher Rowley

ISBN: 0765323885
ISBN-13: 9780765323880

Grade: A

Don't let the cover fool you.  It's not that smutty of a book.  Really only one or two scenes, and even those are PG compared with trashy romance novels. 

Pleasure Model by Christopher Rowley was another book that I got an advanced copy of, probably because I don't appear to be the target audience.  Little did the publisher know that I would turn into a sci-fi/noir junkie.  Shame on me for not finding out about Heavy Metal magazine until now, especially considering the contents of the iPod.  So I loved this book and didn't want it to end since I have no clue how long I have to wait for books 2 and 3 in the trilogy.  This was a noir book that reminded me of Sin City, only a billion times better.  The main character is Detective Rook, a good cop amongst a bunch of shifty cops, how is sent to investigate a murder of a very prominent politician.  During his investigation he finds a pleasure bot named Plesur designed to fulfill man's one need.  She's called a Pammy because her model was specifically designed to be blond, busty and not so bright.  Together they embark on a quest to find the truth, no matter how much the government and their assassins try to stop them.  

After reading this (which could easily be finished in one sitting) I have decided that I so want my own Pammy that has been engineered to clean my house, cook, crack backs and give massages.  My husband said that it's not a Pammy that I want, rather a butler.  But a butler wouldn't be programmed to do all I want a Pammy to do.  Butlers also run the risk of sass mouthing me.  I'd be the envy of every guy I know if I had my own Pammy.  A girl can dream can't she?

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

ISBN: 015602943X
ISBN-13: 9780156029438

Grade: F

Will someone please explain to me what all the hype is about this book?  I don't get it at all.  Why everyone says 'oh it's soooooooooooooo good, you have to read it, you'll love it' is totally beyond me.  I was ready to pull the bookmark after 50 pages.  The first 100 pages are like running through a tar pit...drivel.  Get to the damn point already Audrey Niffen-whatever!  The enormity of the drivel in the beginning made the plot kinda hard to follow.  I kept having to flip back pages to remember what ages Henry was supposed to be and where in time the scene was taking place.  When books like this get hyped, I assume the vast majority of the people who have read it have the attention span of a flea with ADD, so it really surprises me that so many people stuck this book out to the end.

I picked this book up after seeing it at Costco and thinking what a cool concept the book could be.  I had no idea about the infertility mentioned...go figure I pick another book with this as a theme!  Although I do have to say that the first book, The Godmother, that dealt with a character with infertility was absolutely fantastic, and She's Come Undone was also wonderful.  It's a subject that hits close to home and so few authors can tackle the subject properly.  This book had me chucking it across the room at times because the author has no clue what she's talking about. 

To sum up my complaints about this book:

-the name dropping of punk bands...repeatedly (we get it, the author will only sleep with guys with punk credibility)
-the flatness of both lead characters, Henry and Clare
-the Henry on Henry scene (really Audrey Niffenegger? Was that really necessary?)
-the fact that Clare doesn't run screaming for her life when a naked Henry appears out of thin air in the field that she's hanging out in when she is 6!
-the minutiae of every damn detail of Henry and Clare's lives (it's called show not tell and that's something they teach in junior high English)
-the excessive details about various places in Chicago (again, we get it Audrey.  You're from Chicago, you know certain areas well.  We don't need street by street commentary on where the characters are going)
-the length of the book
-the lack of editing
-being able to figure out that Henry dies and how he dies a fraction into this book

That being said, the coolest part of the book and the only decent thing that Audrey Niffenegger didn't screw up was the time traveling mice. I mean how cool are time traveling mice?! 

Thankfully someone requested my copy through GR swap.  My bookcase breathed a sigh of relief when this one left the shelves.

Sleep No More by Susan Crandall

Thanks WordPress for randomly screwing up my prior blog.  These are the remnants that I salvaged.

Grade: D

While I am vehemently against censorship, especially in music and books, I have a few exceptions...mass market paperbacks.  MMPBs should come with a disclaimer like the ones on the backs of scratch off lotto tickets.  The odds of getting a good read are strongly against you.  I associate MMPBs with some of my least favorite authors like Stephen King (where is that man's editor) and Danielle Steele.  For the life of me I cannot remember where I first heard the term jugs for MMPBs, but it cracked me up and stuck with me.  Whoever came up with the phrase 'don't judge a book by its cover' never met one of these jugs, or me.  This is where the book snob in me comes out.  I fully admit to judging books by their covers.  If there is a picture of some busty woman embracing a Fabio looking beefcake with dreamy looks in their eyes, I gag a little and ignore the book. 

The latest train wreck book is Sleep No More by Susan Crandall.  Normally I would never have read this book, but I received an advanced copy and part of that was I agreed to review the book.  Apparently I stumbled upon this book without looking at the cover (maybe it wasn't posted when I entered the contest) or knowing that it was a MMPB.  Sleep No More was really hard to get into, probably because the writing is so trite and predictable.  50 pages in and you should be able to guess the ending.  It almost seems like there is a college course offered called MMPB Writing 101, since all of these books are formulaic.  The plot line is a woman has some sort of sleepwalking disorder that makes her do odd stuff like set fires and drive cars.  She set her childhood home ablaze and seriously burned her sister.  Now as an adult, she got in her car and drove while asleep and wound up in some boggy marsh in the South.  Go figure she also meets a strapping doctor and falls in love.  

If you've read this so far, you know too much about the book.  Do yourself a favor and don't read it.  There are so many other quality fiction titles that deserve to be read. 

Missing Mom by Joyce Carol Oates

ISBN: 0060816228
ISBN-13: 9780060816223

Grade: A+

This book like We Were the Mulvaneys should come with a box or three of tissues as the crying risk is rather high.  I was in tears on the first page.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

A little background on my relationship with Joyce Carol Oates.  To say that I am a little biased towards JCO is an understatement.  I fell in love with her writing ten years ago in high school during a creative writing class.  We got to pick stories to read and discuss in class, and a short story called Shopping caught my attention.  The love affair grew uncontrollably since then (thanks Mr. Jones, I owe you one).  She is one of my favorite authors and all but one book of hers so far has been incredible.  This latest book, Missing Mom, is no exception.  JCO has such a gift of pulling people in to her characters and storylines so that you almost feel like a fly on the wall in her books.

Missing Mom is definitely one that I would take with me to a deserted island.  It's not the lightest of reads, nor is it a particularly uplifting book, but it is one of honesty and one young woman's journey through grief.  It is the story of Nikki Eaton as she deals with the horrific murder of her mother Gwen.  It follows Nikki and her sister through the agony of losing their mother and the resulting trial.  This book is so much more than a mother-daughter and sister-sister relationship.  While Nikki may not be a likable character, she's real...flaws and everything.  Same said for Clare, yet I didn't like her anywhere near as much as Nikki, probably because Nikki was a such a glorious misfit.  



Missing Mom is shelved next to We Were the Mulvaneys as they are both perfection.  This is JCO at her finest, a masterpiece of grief.

The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things by Carolyn Mackler

ISBN: 0763620912
ISBN-13: 9780763620912

Grade: A-

This title just spoke to me, whispering to come live in my bookcase.  I had never heard of Carolyn Mackler prior to this and aside from Harry Potter books, have not read a YA book in a long time.  What a fun book this was to read.  A little background on me...I was a fat kid, and have graduated into a fat adult, which is probably why this book called out to me.  In terms of identifying with the main character, I think anyone who has been an outsider, a misfit, or just gone through the typical teenage self esteem ups and downs can identify with this book and its main character Virginia Shreves.  Virginia is a chubby chick with a completely dysfunctional family (aren't all families dysfunctional) . Virginia is the youngest  and oddball of a family full of skinny brunettes.  She attends a school that's a bit on the yuppie snobby side where one is ostracized if one isn't pretty and popular or a jock. I devoured this book for a few reasons, 1- because it's a young adult book and rather short at 244 pages, and 2- because it was a fantastic read and I lost myself within its pages. Carolyn Mackler writes as if she was a chubby teen, even though she was not (maybe a chubby girl in a previous life), with such grace that you can instantly identify with Virginia even if your teen years are long behind you.  The ending was a pleasant surprise as well, reaffirming my faith that not all YA books have to end predictably.


There's a website that I belong to called GoodReads and they have a book swapping program that I have fallen in love with.  People can list books that they own and are willing to part with and other people can request these books.  It's a great way to get a cheap book and clean out your bookshelves.  Normally a book that I loved like this would not get swapped...ever.  I had a long internal debate with myself about this book and decided that the universe wanted me to share.  Of all the books that I've swapped, this was the hardest to let go, but I think it went to a good home and hopefully will be loved.

WordPress

So many of you have been asking what happened to my blog.  Well, it has moved over here and had an identity change (name change).  I finally reached my breaking point with WordPress and decided that enough was enough.  Going cross eyed after customizing anything got tiresome, so bear with me as I move stuff from over there to here.  This blog will continue in the same way as the previous one with lots of stuff about books and some of the shenanigans that are my life.