In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner

ISBN:   9780743418201

Grade:   B-

This was exactly what I needed to read during the holiday season.  Thank you Jennifer Weiner for allowing my to turn off the open sign above my brain while reading In Her Shoes.  While the book was predictable at times it still was a fun read.  And I hate to say it but I was blubbering like an idiot during the last chapter. 

This is a story about sisters, sibling rivalry and growing up in a dysfunctional family.  It's all that and so much more.  We start out with Rose, our chubby heroine who has her shit together in a very type A manner.  She works as an associate for a law firm, makes good money and buys fantastic shoes.  Her fashion sense, taste in music and men leaves much to be desired.  She's seeing a partner at the law firm who seems to only be into Rose when it's convenient.  Enter her sister Maggie who has always been a screwup and has recently found herself evicted from her apartment and desperately needing a home.  The only thing Rose and Maggie have in common is their shoe size.  Rose allows Maggie to stay with her and finds that Maggie is still the same screwup, stealing money, makeup, shoes and in an act of ultimate betrayal steals a man.  Rose comes home to find Maggie in her bed wearing nothing more than a pair of Rose's expensive designer boots and Rose's man Jim.  

After that lovely display of sisterhood, Rose does what any rational woman in the same situation would do.  She kicks Maggie and Douchebag Jim out and tries to bring some semblance of normalcy back into her life.  Meanwhile Maggie, once again homeless, finds her way to Priceton and squats in the library until she gets a bit of her just desserts.  Maggie then turns to her estranged grandmother to bail her out of another jam.  The pupa stage begins for both women.  Rose starts a dog walking service while trying to gather her wits and Maggie heads to a senior community in Florida.  Both ladies end up back together by the end, and too many more specific details would be spoilers.     

Rose could be any one of us ladies.  She's not a size 2, she doesn't have the best fashion sense, her taste in men and music needs refining.  Oh and she has a sister who couldn't be more opposite...skinny, fake boobs, irresponsible, lacking direction in life and not the brightest bulb in the lamp.  After about 100 pages, it becomes clear that Rose is deserving of something good to happen to her to offset her sister Maggie dumping her drama in Rose's life.   

As for the body image issue, what chubby girl can't identify with Rose?!  If I looked like Maggie, you better believe I'd use my body as a weapon.  In fact I'm pretty sure if I looked like Maggie I would be the Devil Herself.  Consider yourselves lucky that the only WMD I possess is my mouth.

Ah the dodgeball scene...how that scene broke my heart!  If there is one person among us who doesn't have a godawful traumatic childhood experience like Rose getting humiliated via a dodgeball to the head and a pair of split pants...well frankly I think you're in some serious denial.  

A secondary character deserving a mention is Mrs. Lefkowitz.  She's a sassy retiree with a mouth on her!  She walks around calling people asshats after she heard Margaret Cho standup.  Mrs. Lefkowitz is as blunt and surly as one could expect, but way deep inside there's a pinch of heart.  She more than makes up for the grandmother being a total wet noodle.  

Overall In Her Shoes was an enjoyable read, especially since the last third of it was read while wrapped in my monkey Snuggie.  The book is chicklit, but good chicklit.  Will I read more by Jennifer Weiner...you betcha!  Anyone have a favorite Jennifer Weiner book that they would recommend? 

Rape A Love Story by Joyce Carol Oates

ISBN:    0786712945

Grade:   A+

Don't let the title freak you out and think this is a book for pervs.  Only JCO could get away with titling a book Rape A Love Story.  This is one of the best efforts from JCO that I have read full of damaged characters.  Some of the best JCO are books and short stories about truly damaged and imperfect characters, likable or not.  We Were the Mulvaneys and Missing Mom are two others that have been A+ reads with characters not only damaged, but dealt a crappy hand of life.  While I am an evangelist for JCO, there are enough people who think her writing atrocious in its peculiarity.  Her writing style is definitely unique, short choppy sentences are common as are long descriptive sentences.  In this novella, short and choppy sentences are the norm and they work perfectly with the story.

Not a particularly uplifting book, this is the story of a brutal gang rape and its after effects.  Teena Maguire and her 12 year old daughter Bethie are walking home from a 4th of July party when Teena decides to take a more scenic route home.  Teena and her daughter are viciously attacked by a pack of methed up low life hoodlums in the park mere minutes from their home.  Teena is beaten and raped repeatedly and left near death in a boathouse while her daughter, also beaten, hides for her life and listens to the sounds of her mother's sexual assault.  After Bethie thinks that the attackers have left, she crawls out of her hiding spot and stumbles around outside until she finds a police officer to tell him to please help her mom.

We get to read about Teena's long painful recovery and the legal process surrounding the sexual assault.  We get to know her daughter see her strength in a situation that would have most people pulling the blankets over their heads and checking out.  We also get to know the police officer who Bethie flagged down the night of the attack, who goes on to be an unsung hero of the story.

I won't say too much more other than the title will make complete sense by the end of the book.  If you're not a JCO fan after reading this, we are on totally different wavelengths.  This novella is 150 pages of near literary perfection that no other author is capable of writing.    

Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jen Lancaster

ISBN:   9780451221254

Grade:   A+

After reading quite a few stinkers, I decided to go to my happy place and read another Jen Lancaster book.  High fiction this is not, but snorts of laughter should be aplenty here.  

So after reading this I have decided one thing must be true...Jen Lancaster and I are sisters by another mister, me being her suburbanite little sis.  We both drop f-bombs frequently (as anyone who has ever rode in my car can confirm) and have a passion for our pit bulls, as well as judging those around us (neighbors especially), not to mention being booze hounds.  If I weren't so lazy, I'd add footnotes here as so many of my could benefit from footnotes (mainly to thoroughly express sarcasm).     


Bright Lights Big Ass had me laughing and snorting out loud quite frequently and almost peeing my pants at two key points.  First episode of hysterical laughter was the gynecologist appointment.  Let it be said that these appointments are not pleasant, what with having cold thing put in places where cold things do not belong.  Then there are the personal (read intimate) questions pertaining to ones sex life where I have to restrain myself from saying 'that is so not any of your business doc'.  Comments by nurses regarding weight fluctuations are also not welcome, in fact I think it's a first class ticket to hell anytime someone without a fancy expensive medical degree makes comments about how much weight one has gained.  Lastly, there are the dreaded paper gowns which are so not fat girl friendly.  These paper gowns like to explode at the slightest twitch of movement which leaves one feeling like a beached whale...a nekkid beached whale.  Jen Lancaster had the idea to staple the useless paper gown back together which I can only assume that resembled something from Frankenstein's lab.  That idea had never crossed my mind at any appointment, but I always carry a backup hoodie to cover up any exposed lady parts.  If reading the chapter containing the gyno appointment does not have you chortling, I don't know what's wrong with you.


Second near pants peeing bout of laughter came at the expense of Mama Lancaster further proving that going home reminds one of just how dysfunctional the family unit is.  This event happened during a Christmas visit home and Mama Lancaster asking what is a reach around!  Needless to say that witnesses to the question left the room crying with laughter.  If my mom ever asked what a reach around was or anything else that could be found on urbandictionary.com, I would pee my pants from laughing.  Oh and Mama Lancaster did not just ask once for someone to explain the term to her.  So fucking funny (I really tried not to use an f-bomb here but nothing else fit)!

What pisses me off is that Jen Lancaster was at Borders in Oak Park earlier this month.  Had I not been struck down with a kidney stone (yes I'm still pissed that I got one) I so would have gone decked out in a cute plaid scarf and J'adore perfume, and my 'punish the deed not the breed' button to show my bully pride.  

If you're reading this thinking that there are only 2 funny parts in the book, how wrong you be.  Nearly every page had me giggling.  I also learned a few new words to work into my daily vocabulary...philistine and troglodyte (truly fantastic words).

So Jen Lancaster if you read this, let's do drinks...pink ones with cute umbrellas.  We could be besties.

The Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown

Grade: F

I won't waste your time with a full review of this book.  It is because of this book that I am starting a new rule with all books.  If after 3 chapters your book does not hold my interest, I will not finish it.  Life is too short to spend reading bad books. 

My main issue with this book was that the idea has been done before.  A mother is sick with cancer and her adult children come home to take care of said sick mother.  Throw in sick mom's husband's obsession with all things Shakespeare and that about sums the book up.  The subject matter didn't bother me as I absolutely loved Anna Quindlen's One True Thing.  My issue with this book is that it just bored the pants off me.

Moral of the story kiddos...life is too short to spend reading lousy books.

Moonlight Mile by Dennis Lehane

ISBN:

Grade:  A

Moonlight Mile is yet another fine effort by Dennis Lehane, another Patrick and Angie story and an excellent follow up to Gone Baby Gone.

Let's start off with the fact that Dennis Lehane holds nothing back in this book.  The highlights:

- lots of f bombs and I do mean lots
- disses of Paris Hilton and Lil Wayne (about time these fools were called out on their nonsense)
- a mention of carrying a gun that is as appealing as kale
- Russian mobsters who feel so real you can hear them in your head (think Nikolai from Six Feet Under)
- a jab at Kindles

The story starts with Amanda McCready going missing again.  How can a girl who went missing as a toddler go missing again as a 16 year old.  Easy when one draws double assholes in the parenting department as Lehane eloquently summed up Amanda's misfortune.  Having a mother like Helene is barely a step above being a feral child.  Add in Helene's skeevy boyfriend Kenny and it's a recipe for disaster.  Amanda appears to have turned out okay considering her crappy start to life.  She's attending a private school and getting excellent grades and will head to an Ivy league school.  What Amanda doesn't have are friends, except for a girl named Sophie who turns out to be a little screwed up too.

So Patrick is on the hunt for Amanda and Sophie which like any reader familiar with Lehane would expect, turns out like a three ring circus.  There are run ins with some nasty yet humorous Russian mobsters that shave years off Patrick's life from stress alone, and a surprising connection between the Russian Mob and Amanda.  I don't want to say too much more for fear of spoiling the book for you all.  I will say that the Patrick and Angie series seems to be wrapped up, which is a bit disappointing but at the same time I really have to wonder if it really is the end.  We learn that Patrick and Angie have a little girl named Gabby and the family dynamic is truly charming.

What Lehane does masterfully is write the best books in the crime thriller genre.  It should really be called the Dennis Lehane genre as no other author comes close to his talents.  The characters feel real even though most of us don't have life experiences like any of the characters.  The dialog is excellent and you can almost hear the characters speaking in your head.  There is humor, violence, suspense and more in a gripping page turner.  This is a book that you'll lose track of time reading, it's that engrossing.   And it's definitely one that should be made into a movie. 

If you're a fan of Lehane's previous books, you'll love this.  If you are just now meeting Patrick and Angie, Moonlight Mile can stand on its own without relying on Gone Baby Gone.  If you've never read anything by Lehane before and just know him for the Mystic River and Shutter Island movies, give this book a try.  If anyone can read this and not enjoy it, I probably don't want to know what books are on your bookshelves.  So give Moonlight Mile a try...try it you'll like it as the commercial says.  It won't require a big chunk of your time and you'll be a Lehane fan afterward.

The Emerald Atlas by John Stephens

ISBN:   

Grade:  B-

The Emerald Atlas is a fun YA fantasy book, the first in a trilogy written by a guy with ties to the Gossip Girl and Gilmore Girls tv shows.  Don't judge the book based on those tv shows as they have no commonalities.

The Emerald Atlas is the story of 3 orphans Kate, Michael and Emma who are bounced from one orphanage to another after their parents mysteriously left when they were little.  The 3 siblings are passed over time and time again because not many people want to adopt 3 kids at once and the youngest Emma is a bit difficult.  The last orphanage they are sent to is run by a wizard named Dr Pym and they are the only 3 children there.  The orphanage is in a dark dreary town called Cambridge Falls that was once flourishing with life and children.  Kate, Michael and Emma quickly discover that all is not as it seems at the orphanage, quickly discovering hidden passageways and a mysterious study where they find a most interesting book.  The kids stumble upon a book with blank pages that allows them to travel back and forth through time when a picture is placed in the pages.  They learn that an evil countess is holding the children of Cambridge Falls hostage while forcing their parents to dig for the book the kids discovered.  The kids are the chosen ones that have the power to right the wrongs of the evil countess and return the town to its previous flourish.  What follows is a fun story with all kinds of interesting characters including dwarfs and dementor-like beings that will have you laughing quite frequently.

Overall, I liked the book.  It wasn't like Harry Potter where I was instantly hooked, but still a worthy read.  Part of Harry Potter's charm was that it was told in a British voice, so I can't fault John Stephens for that.  My main dislikes were the sibling banter which at times grated on my last nerve and made me thank my lucky stars that I don't have a teenager at home to deal with.  That and at times I think the plot could have been tighter, pages here and there omitted.  Still worth checking out, and I will read books 2 and 3 in the series.