Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jen Lancaster

ISBN:   9780451221254

Grade:   A+

After reading quite a few stinkers, I decided to go to my happy place and read another Jen Lancaster book.  High fiction this is not, but snorts of laughter should be aplenty here.  

So after reading this I have decided one thing must be true...Jen Lancaster and I are sisters by another mister, me being her suburbanite little sis.  We both drop f-bombs frequently (as anyone who has ever rode in my car can confirm) and have a passion for our pit bulls, as well as judging those around us (neighbors especially), not to mention being booze hounds.  If I weren't so lazy, I'd add footnotes here as so many of my could benefit from footnotes (mainly to thoroughly express sarcasm).     


Bright Lights Big Ass had me laughing and snorting out loud quite frequently and almost peeing my pants at two key points.  First episode of hysterical laughter was the gynecologist appointment.  Let it be said that these appointments are not pleasant, what with having cold thing put in places where cold things do not belong.  Then there are the personal (read intimate) questions pertaining to ones sex life where I have to restrain myself from saying 'that is so not any of your business doc'.  Comments by nurses regarding weight fluctuations are also not welcome, in fact I think it's a first class ticket to hell anytime someone without a fancy expensive medical degree makes comments about how much weight one has gained.  Lastly, there are the dreaded paper gowns which are so not fat girl friendly.  These paper gowns like to explode at the slightest twitch of movement which leaves one feeling like a beached whale...a nekkid beached whale.  Jen Lancaster had the idea to staple the useless paper gown back together which I can only assume that resembled something from Frankenstein's lab.  That idea had never crossed my mind at any appointment, but I always carry a backup hoodie to cover up any exposed lady parts.  If reading the chapter containing the gyno appointment does not have you chortling, I don't know what's wrong with you.


Second near pants peeing bout of laughter came at the expense of Mama Lancaster further proving that going home reminds one of just how dysfunctional the family unit is.  This event happened during a Christmas visit home and Mama Lancaster asking what is a reach around!  Needless to say that witnesses to the question left the room crying with laughter.  If my mom ever asked what a reach around was or anything else that could be found on urbandictionary.com, I would pee my pants from laughing.  Oh and Mama Lancaster did not just ask once for someone to explain the term to her.  So fucking funny (I really tried not to use an f-bomb here but nothing else fit)!

What pisses me off is that Jen Lancaster was at Borders in Oak Park earlier this month.  Had I not been struck down with a kidney stone (yes I'm still pissed that I got one) I so would have gone decked out in a cute plaid scarf and J'adore perfume, and my 'punish the deed not the breed' button to show my bully pride.  

If you're reading this thinking that there are only 2 funny parts in the book, how wrong you be.  Nearly every page had me giggling.  I also learned a few new words to work into my daily vocabulary...philistine and troglodyte (truly fantastic words).

So Jen Lancaster if you read this, let's do drinks...pink ones with cute umbrellas.  We could be besties.