Wednesday

Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk by David Sedaris

Grade:  D+
Recommended for David Sedaris fankids.

Let's get the obvious out of the way first.  David Sedaris is funny, twisted and funny.  He can usually be counted on for some chuckles and belly laughs.  He is the same guy who did an in-store appearance while chain-smoking and brought along a helper monkey with his/her own Tupperware container of Cheerios.  The store is a non-smoking building and the helper monkey was not because Sedaris needed help with any task.  Sedaris was also telling dirty jokes and asking for the audience's dirty jokes.  Makes you wish you could have been a fly on a wall there.

Now that the obvious is out of the way, let's talk about Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk.  This is an off the wall odd collection of essays akin to Barrel Fever.  These are not tales of his nutty family's shenanigans, although some may be the inspiration behind some essays.  These essays are like a demented version of Aesop's Fables.  Chances are if you have young kids, you will recognize the illustrations are by the same illustrator of the Olivia books.  The illustrations are fantastic, fantastic and really gross.  Thankfully this collection is short, like under 200 pages short.

Not the finest collection from our darling David.  It does give me hope that he's squirreling away crazy stories about his family for another book.  Or maybe he will do a book of dirty jokes.  Just something that's a little less dark and a little more funny.  With a family like his, there should be no shortage of material worthy of some humorous essays.       


Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Grade:   F
Not recommended.

Can I give this an F-?  Because I really really want to, it's just that bad. Or would my point be more succinct if I recommended it for my worst enemies, sociopaths and women who really hate men?

Gone Girl seems to be the it book that everyone who reads is reading.  People saw me reading the book and say "oh you're reading Gone Girl, don't you just love it?"  Um, no, not at all.  It's the story of a couple Nick and Amy who are celebrating their 5th wedding anniversary when Amy mysteriously disappears.  Sounds like the beginnings of a great thriller right?  The story is told in alternating voices, one being the hubby Nick's and the other being Diary Amy.  Diary Amy is exactly that, it is Amy's story told in diary entries that she has concocted.  Nick falls far short of winning Husband of the Year while Amy appears to be the golden child trust fund brat.  The cops get involved and the story goes from weird to WTF in no time.
Part of me hears my mom's voice in my head telling me if I don't have anything nice to say that I shouldn't say anything.  The bigger part of me wants to spare others the agony of wasting precious reading time on this, so scathing review ahead.

There is A TON of swearing in the book.  It's a lot of swearing even for me and I cuss like a sailor (although somehow restrain myself here).  I do enjoy a well placed f-bomb when the language adds to the story, but this was complete overkill.  Like Stephen King overkill.  The writing is rather pompous and smug, and the plot twists are predictable and overly ridiculous.  If you think about where you imagine the story going, you can probably figure out the ending before 100 pages.  If you want to guess at the ending, message me and we will have some fun.  Characters in the book are absurd and some even entirely pointless.  When a side character goes catfish gigging with dry cat food, I smacked my forehead and groaned out load.  Come on, Gillian Flynn!  That's the best redneck stereotype you can come up with?!  Another irritant is that Nick's sister is named Margot, and goes by Go for short.  When sentences start with Go, it takes a little extra time to figure out if it's being used as a verb, noun or adjective.  There was nothing pleasant about reading this, not one redeemable part and I finished the book only to validate my early prediction of the ending.  Not fun when your guess is spot-on and you're barely past page 50.

If you want to read a book about a miserable married suburban couple, try Revolutionary Road instead.  The writing is so much better and the story is shorter.  Oh and I don't remember much cussing in that one either.          

If you absolutely must read this, download an excerpt first.  Otherwise, don't say that I didn't warn you!

Little Girl Gone by Drusilla Campbell

Grade:   A
Highly recommended.

Little Girl Gone is a dark, depressing story about a young girl from a messed up family heading nowhere quickly.  We meet Madora, a 17 year old girl who goes to a party with a friend and gets gooped up on something.  She meets a man named Willis who says he can rescue her if she comes with him.  Off Madora goes with Willis to his trailer in the middle of nowhere for five years.  Madora becomes Willis' attendant, taking care of her captor without realizing that he has indeed kidnapped her.  While driving around, Willis spots a pregnant teen and sets his eyes on her.  He must have her and rescue her too, so he takes her and keeps her prisoner in a crappy trailer on his property.  Madora finds solace in a little pit bull puppy, Foo, that she saves from certain death in a box on the side of the road.  Along with Foo, a young boy Django Jones comes along and slowly befriends Madora.  Django helps Madora see Willis for his true self and helps her remember who she really is. 

Little Girl Gone is a fast paced story and reminded me a bit of Joyce Carol Oates.  This is a dark and creepy story about a sick and perverted man kidnapping young girls while telling them that he's saving them from a worse fate.  We get to see Stockholm Syndrome in action without the plot feeling heavy handed or trite.  Sure you can kind of tell where the story is going, but that won't stop you from reading.  This was my first Drusilla Campbell read, and it was the mention of the pit bull that piqued my interest.  Those who know me know I have a big soft spot for pit bulls.  She's an Australian author although you'd never tell.  I really like her writing style and think you guys will too.

Home Front by Kristin Hannah

Grade: D+
Not particularly recommended. 

I'm sure I gave at least one book in The Hunger Games trilogy a D+, so I should say that this Kristin Hannah was slightly better than that.

Home Front is the story of Jolene, an army helicopter pilot, and her family; husband Michael, a lawyer, daughter Betsy, a bratty teenager, and Lulu, the four year old.  Jolene and her neighbor and bestie Tammi are sent off to Iraq, leaving their husbands as single parents.  Michael disapproves of the war and has a hard time dealing with Jolene being called to duty.  Betsy is just a miserable teenager who acts out because she misses her mom and is scared that she won't come home.  The war continues and Jolene comes home, but nothing is the same.

This book read like a slightly better Jodi Picoult book.  The writing is just meh, and the plot twists predictable and sappy.  Kristin Hannah also has a love affair with the word mulishly, as it is used over and over and over again.  I did read an ARC edition so hopefully that changed.  The characters are trite and straight out of a Lifetime movie.  Naturally Michael is anti war, because what else would you expect from a military spouse whose wife is a proud soldier.  And naturally with Michael being a lawyer, he would get a case involving PTSD, because how else would he learn what his wife is going through.  It's only fitting that Jolene goes from being a control freak mom to having to learn to let someone else be in charge, no matter what your magic binder of directions says.      

I was hoping for a fun beach type read, but instead got this, nearly 400 pages of mediocrity.  I should have known from the cover being all pink and pretty, and also the book being the same size and thickness of a Jodi Picoult, but the ladies in my book group looooooooove Kristin Hannah, so I gave her a try.  Not helping matters was my darling husband who just glanced at the book on the kitchen table and asked if it was a box of tampons.  I'll give her another chance since the book group has chosen Night Road as the other Kristin Hannah selection.  She gets one more chance and that's it.  Life is too short to spend reading books by bestselling authors hoping that there is a good read amongst all the dreck. 

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

Grade:   A+
Highly recommended for fans of historical fiction, WWII stories, and those who enjoy the beauty of words and books. 

The Book Thief should include coupons for kleenex because hoo boy are you going to need them!  I'm talking crying oceans of tears.

The Book Thief is a story about a foster child, Liesel, sent to live in a poor town near Munich after her parents were accused of being Communists.  Liesel's foster family is a cast of characters to say the least.  Her mother does the laundry for those who can afford it and swears like a trucker.  Her father is a painter and accordion player with a heart of gold.  Liesel meets a neighborhood boy named Rudy and together they navigate the crumbling town of Molching, stealing books and fruit.  Along the way comes Max Vandenberg, a Jewish man in desperate need of help.  Death is our narrator.

The prose of Markus Zusak is beautiful and just goes to show how you can craft short sentences into beauty.  Considering how heavy the subject matter is in this book, Zusak turning it into beauty shows what a talented writer he is.  The writing is so superb that you can close your eyes and imagine the streets of Molching, the Hubermann's house, the Mayor's library, etc.  Bonus points for teaching me how to swear in German!  The Book Thief has won quite a few awards, although I have to disagree with it being considered a YA novel.  Had I read this in junior high or high school I doubt that I would have appreciated the prose. 

If you can get through the book without crying buckets of tears, I'm not sure if we read the same book.  This book is deeply affecting, will haunt you, and does take time to fully process, but it's so worth it.  The Book Thief is one of those titles that I'm all evangelical about.        

Monday

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

Grade:   D+
Not Recommended.

Huzzah! The end of The Hunger Games trilogy is here!

Let me answer the question you all are thinking...why did I read this if I disliked the first two so much.  One reason being a huge glass of shut up juice to certain Hunger Games fanatic friends.  Another reason is to validate myself for figuring out the ending after less than 50 pages of The Hunger Games.

I'm not going to add spoiler warnings because if you have only the slightest clue what the books are about, you can guess the ending.  If I spoil anything for you, sorry.  You can thank me later when I have saved you the time of reading these three books.  

 Having the ending figured out in book one isn't saying much.  It's not like Suzanne Collins made it all that difficult when she spells out the logical ending.  The whole series has been nothing but predictable, so why should the series conclusion be any different.

We left off in Catching Fire with the districts rebelling against the Capitol and the very likely result being an all out war.  Surprise surprise, here in Mockingjay war has broken out.  After the Capitol bombed district 12, the survivors were taken to district 13.  Katniss and the rebels who rescued her are plotting on how to kill President Snow.  Let me rephrase, the rebels minus any effort from Katniss are plotting.  Katniss is her usual dumb as dirt puppet self incapable of any original thoughts and ideas.  Peeta has been taken by the Capitol and brainwashed to think that this is all Katniss' fault and she needs to be stopped.  Gale is his usual Edward/Jacob self. The rebels want Katniss to own up to her Mockingjay title and be the image of the rebels where a television crew can follow her around and make rebel propaganda videos to show to the citizens of Panem and the Capitol.  In true Mary Sue form, Katniss stays in her puppet like state and lets everyone else tell her what she should do.

Suzanne Collins is a lousy writer, plain and simple.  Lousy is probably paying her an undeserved compliment.  What really steamed my beans in this book were the paragraphs consisting of sentences of 5 words or less.  I'm dead flipping serious, there was at least one paragraph of 2 and 3 word sentences with one lonely 5 word sentence thrown in.  Every page had 2 and 3 word sentences...every stinking page!  Surely her editors mentioned changing some of those periods into commas, but if those suggestions were made they were made on deaf ears.

The plot is formulaic and predictable as usual and still ripping off other (better) books.  The plot "twists" can be figured out in no time.  There's still no page turning suspense or gripping action.  Katniss is a puppet who still cannot think for herself.  Strong female character that teens can look up to...not in your lifetime.  Characters with silly names are introduced and killed off, same with people close to Katniss.  Peeta still fits into this little pathetic love triangle of Katniss-Gale-Peeta.  Gale is equally as uninteresting.  The only character remotely close to interesting is Buttercup the cat.

If you are reading the series expecting a satisfying conclusion, you picked the wrong series.  The ending is rather brief and doesn't wrap up all that much.  Naturally Katniss and Peeta end up together and have a couple of babies, because really who else would she have ended up with?  Things in district 12 start coming around as soon as President Snow and President Coin have died.  Haymitch raises geese because apparently they require little effort to raise and he can continue being drunk while raising them.

Allow me to pause and wipe the snark and sarcasm off my chin.

This series was bad, really really really bad.  The worst of the three books is hands down The Hunger Games.  If you can stomach that, you become a little desensitized to books 2 and 3 being garbage.  Or maybe the rest of you cheated and looked up the series spoilers.  I stupidly clung to the hope that there was something redeeming somewhere in the series.  There is nothing of the sort.  In hindsight I should have stopped after book 1 when one of my fangirl friends all but confirmed my predictions of books 2 and 3.  Clearly I am a glutton for punishment.  Stephenie Meyer may be a lousy author, but at least she can entertain me.

Mad Magazine really needs to parody books two and three to spare even one person from reading that dreck.  Their parody of The Hunger Games is hilarious.

If I could retitle the series it would look something like this:

The Hunger Games would be The Hunger Pains.
Catching Fire would be Catching Gonorrhea.
Mockingjay  would be Mockingjerk.

May the odds be ever in your favor of not reading this series.  Otherwise don't say I didn't warn you.   


   


Thursday

Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen

Grade:  C-
Not particularly recommended. 


If you can tell me that you can walk through your library's YA section and not notice Sarah Dessen, I call your bluff.  She's written a ton of books. 

Along for the Ride is a super easy peasy read and if it were food it would likely be Peeps with questionable nutritional content.  In this book we meet Auden, a high school girl spending the summer with her dad and his new family.  Clearly Auden's parents are a bit off considering her name is Auden (yes after the poet) and her brother has an equally odd name that escapes me for the moment.  Her parents are divorced and her mother seems  to enjoy the company of her grad students while her dad has a new wife and baby.  Auden hasn't slept at night for quite some time and in her insomniac wanderings crosses paths with an introvert named Eli.  They form a dynamic duo of insomniacs who bond over junk food, coffee and pie.  Oh and BMX bikes, hence the cover.  Eli along with some local girls that Auden meets at her clothing boutique job teach her what being a normal teenager is like. 

Sarah Dessen is the YA intro to romance novels.  If you're a teenager reading Sarah Dessen and liking her a lot, I'd be willing to bet that as an adult, you'll be devouring Jennifer Crusie and Kristan Higgins.  Maybe because it's like a watered down version of one of those books or maybe it just isn't Dessen's best.  The book didn't do anything special for me.  It wasn't bad but it wasn't good either.  I'm willing to give her another chance and welcome anyone's suggestions and recommendations of which titles you liked.  This is the light side of YA fiction, certainly lightyears different from Please Ignore Vera Dietz and Looking for Alaska.  The plot wasn't interesting enough for me and I found the characters to be almost awkward and unlikable.  It was the book version of Peeps, Lucky Charms and Fruity Pebbles, pick your poison.  Not every YA book can be as fantastic as a John Green or A.S. King.